I decided to stop having contact with one of my parents. I was around twenty-eight.

To be honest, it was a decision. Yeah.

<h2>What it was costing me</h2>

I want to be careful here, because this is not about blaming anyone. I am telling you what it did to me. Every time there was contact, I walked away feeling that I was never good enough. By the time it was over, I felt like I was worth nothing.

You know that feeling? When you spend time with somebody and you leave smaller than you arrived? That is not a small thing. That is information.

<blockquote>Distance was not the opposite of love. It was the thing that let me stay whole.</blockquote>

<figure><img src="https://ezycourse.b-cdn.net/2104/cmv0k4jn50dbm01z6glercpu9.jpg" alt="Chenzo standing barefoot beside a garden swimming pool, hands together, looking to the side." style="width:100%;max-width:440px;border-radius:12px;display:block;margin:20px auto;"/></figure>

<h2>The label people put on it</h2>

Some people call it abandoning family. I understand why. Family is supposed to be the place you never leave.

But here is what I know. Choosing safety is not the same as stopping to care. Those are two different things. I did not stop wanting a good ending. I needed a place where I could breathe first.

<h2>What I still want</h2>

Here is something I will say out loud. What I want, even now, is to hold my parents in love and truly forgive them. That is on my list, and it is real.

And I could not do that while I was still being worn down. Forgiveness needs room. For me, distance was the room.

<h2>If you are standing where I stood</h2>

I am not telling you to cut people off. I am saying you are allowed to ask what contact costs you.

Try these three questions.

After I spend time with this person, how do I feel about myself? Bigger or smaller?

What do I need in order to feel safe? Not what they say I should feel. What do I actually need?

If I took a step back, even a small one, what would I be protecting?

Write the answers down. Do not decide anything yet. Just let yourself see them.

<figure><img src="https://ezycourse.b-cdn.net/2104/cmv0k4kwn09uc01z7a2kk5hqf.jpg" alt="Chenzo standing in a doorway with one hand on the open door, looking to the side." style="width:100%;max-width:440px;border-radius:12px;display:block;margin:20px auto;"/></figure>

So anyway. If you have been called selfish or cold for choosing distance, you are not. You may be doing the bravest thing in your family, which is being honest about what you can carry.

If you want to talk it through with somebody who has been there, you can <a href="https://cal.com/chenzoholisticcoaching/free-30-min-online-discovery-session-discover-your-next-step">book a free discovery call</a> with me. Thirty minutes, no pressure.

With love, Chenzo Holistic Coaching Founder of The Purpose Path Podcast

People call it abandoning family. I call it choosing safety. This is what it cost me, what it gave me, and what I still want, forgiveness.

Choosing Distance From Family Is Not Abandoning

People Call It Abandoning Family. It Isn't. It's Choosing Safety.

Read essays on somatic healing, emotional trauma, sensitivity, and finding purpose. Written by Chenzo, holistic coach, empathic healer, tarot reader, and founder of The Purpose Path Podcast. New posts weekly.


Chenzo Holistic Coaching Blog: Somatic Healing, Sensitivity & Purpose

Read essays on somatic healing, emotional trauma, sensitivity, and finding purpose. Written by Chenzo, holistic coach, empathic healer, tarot reader, and founder of The Purpose Path Podcast. New posts weekly.

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People Call It Abandoning Family. It Isn't. It's Choosing Safety.

People Call It Abandoning Family. It Isn't. It's Choosing Safety.

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