<img src="https://webhook.chc-webhook.uk/branded-images/ul_mubwtt6s_8xx45u_CHENZO-1139.jpg" alt="The Moment You Hear Your Own Fake Laugh" style="max-width:100%;border-radius:16px;"/>
You're in a conversation and someone makes a joke. Not funny enough to make you actually laugh. But your face is already moving. The laugh is already coming out. It's the one you do for them. The one that says "I'm the person who thinks that's hilarious." And in that split second, you hear it like someone else is hearing it, and you think: this is not me.
That moment is what Sandra Tru and I were talking about in the last podcast. The roles we play. The person you became because somewhere along the line, being yourself felt too expensive. Maybe your dad needed you to be confident. Maybe your mother needed you to be gentle. Maybe your friends needed you to be the strong one, the funny one, the one who doesn't fall apart. So you built that person. And you built them so well that they moved in and you moved out.
The thing about a role is that it's not a choice you make once. It's a choice your nervous system makes every single day. Every time you walk into a room, your body checks: which version of me do they need right now? And then you become that version. Your shoulders go up. Your breath gets shorter. Your voice changes pitch. Your laugh comes out rehearsed. And after a while, this becomes how you exist. Not just around them. Around everyone.
Most people think the problem is the fakeness itself. So they try to be more authentic. They make a decision to "be real." But that doesn't work because the role is not in your mind. It's in your nervous system. Your body learned that being yourself is not safe. That the real you might upset people, disappoint them, lose them. So your body keeps performing. Keeps protecting. Even when you intellectually know it's okay to stop.
What actually shifts it is something much quieter. It's noticing the moment you're doing it. Not judging it. Not trying to fix it immediately. Just noticing. That's when your nervous system starts to realize: I can stay safe and be myself at the same time. These things don't have to be enemies.
A woman came to me who had spent fifteen years being the person who was always fine. Never struggled. Never needed anything. Just smooth, capable, unbothered. Her kids believed it. Her partner believed it. Her friends believed it. And then one day she realized her shoulders hadn't dropped in a decade. She was carrying a weight she didn't even remember picking up. We talked about the time she was eight years old and her mother came home upset. Her eight year old self decided right then: I will never be a burden. I will always be fine. And she kept that promise to herself so well that fine became the only thing she knew how to be.
Once she saw it, really saw it, the role started to loosen. Not overnight. But week by week. She started saying "I'm tired" instead of "I'm good." Started admitting when she didn't know something. Started letting her shoulders drop. And the people around her didn't leave. They actually came closer. Because the real person was someone they liked a lot more than the character.
This is what I told Sandra. The role costs you. Not just emotionally. Your body knows the difference between performing and being. It pays in tension, in shallow breathing, in a nervous system that never actually rests. You can't relax into a role. You can only hold it.
Which role do you recognize yourself in? The strong one? The easy one? The perfect one? The one who doesn't need anything?
DM me the word TAROT on my Instagram (@chenzo.holistic.coaching) and I will send you the link to book a Transformative Tarot Reading.
<h3>Listen to The Purpose Path Podcast</h3><div style="position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UQMreB557H4" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;border:0;border-radius:12px;" allowfullscreen loading="lazy"></iframe></div>
More episodes and free resources: <a href="https://www.chenzoholisticcoaching.com/en/the-purpose-path-podcast">The Purpose Path Podcast</a> and <a href="https://www.chenzoholisticcoaching.com">chenzoholisticcoaching.com</a>.
With love, Chenzo Holistic Coaching Founder of The Purpose Path Podcast

You're in a conversation and someone makes a joke. Not funny enough to make you actually laugh. But your face is already moving. The laugh is already coming out

The Moment You Hear Your Own Fake Laugh

Read essays on somatic healing, emotional trauma, sensitivity, and finding purpose. Written by Chenzo, holistic coach, empathic healer, tarot reader, and founder of The Purpose Path Podcast. New posts weekly.


Chenzo Holistic Coaching Blog: Somatic Healing, Sensitivity & Purpose

Read essays on somatic healing, emotional trauma, sensitivity, and finding purpose. Written by Chenzo, holistic coach, empathic healer, tarot reader, and founder of The Purpose Path Podcast. New posts weekly.

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The Moment You Hear Your Own Fake Laugh

The Moment You Hear Your Own Fake Laugh

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